so... everything clear here except... the ending? Is it that we don't know what she's going to do next? It reads as if the hatchlings are 'closed off' and not that some bigger change is about to take place... am I misunderstanding you?
Just realised something about your story, Vincent.. How does our hero even know she's 'different'? How does she know she's got a moustache and shouldn't have a moustache? I think you need a scene after she's hatched when she a) looks into a mirror or mirror substitute (pool of dirty water) and b) looks up at one of those propaganda posters... so you need a relationship of shots that goes something like: 1) Aurora looks at the poster of ideal male and female form 2) Aurora looks down at herself and thinks 'I'm a girl!' because a) I'm pink b) I'm shaped accordingly and c) I don't have a moustache! 3) Aurora catches sight of herself in puddle - sees her moustache! 4) Aurora looks at poster (If you're not this, you're a freak) 4) Aurora is unhappy now - she's a freak etc...
so... everything clear here except... the ending? Is it that we don't know what she's going to do next? It reads as if the hatchlings are 'closed off' and not that some bigger change is about to take place... am I misunderstanding you?
ReplyDeleteJust realised something about your story, Vincent.. How does our hero even know she's 'different'? How does she know she's got a moustache and shouldn't have a moustache? I think you need a scene after she's hatched when she a) looks into a mirror or mirror substitute (pool of dirty water) and b) looks up at one of those propaganda posters... so you need a relationship of shots that goes something like: 1) Aurora looks at the poster of ideal male and female form 2) Aurora looks down at herself and thinks 'I'm a girl!' because a) I'm pink b) I'm shaped accordingly and c) I don't have a moustache! 3) Aurora catches sight of herself in puddle - sees her moustache! 4) Aurora looks at poster (If you're not this, you're a freak) 4) Aurora is unhappy now - she's a freak etc...
ReplyDeleteWhat do you think?